Weapon Play
Let’s give them permission!
Let’s have an open conversation about war play. Peter Gray, scholar and author of Free to Learn, researcher on the interaction between play and education, goes into great detail about the culture of childhood. He describes risky play as a cornerstone of learning, and it plays a pivotal role in growth and development. Rough and tumble play is seen in the animal kingdom and let’s face it, we are animals, so it only makes sense that we would see our young children enjoy a little rough and tumble play as well. Based on this information, we can agree that this is a natural part of growing up. Indeed, not only is it natural, but as research has shown us, it is downright imperative to healthy development. So what is it about rough-housing and weapon play, specifically, that makes us so uncomfortable?
We’ll be honest with you. We’ve been working with children for a long time, and we are still pondering this exact question. From experience, we can tell you that risky play sends an element of fear throughout the hearts of educators and caretakers. First, there is a fear of injury. Even though schools are heavily insured, and the chances of injury are slim, adults are still afraid that children will get seriously hurt from rough-housing and risky play. The truth is, more injuries actually occur on the playgrounds we’ve built than actual tree climbing or rough and tumble play. Secondly, there is a fear of surrender, and even more, there is an associated fear based on our own experiences. As caretakers we often aim to control the experience and outcomes of the little people we are in contact with and risky play requires letting go of some of that control. But war play is its own anomaly. It too carries the above mentioned fears, but it also carries the fear of violence. In the last several years, we have seen images and stories surrounded by gun violence in schools, and it is outright scary. It is easy to think that if a child plays out any sort of weapon play that they will ultimately become violent themselves as they get older. In schools, the children are unable to pick up sticks or make finger guns. Some schools have even banned pretend weapons or war play altogether. At home, parents may limit exposure to toy weapons and even outside play is limited to the “safeguarded” backyard. In many cases, our children are not roaming the neighborhood or getting together to play “capture the flag,” cops & robbers, or even building forts - where risky play occurs naturally and without adult supervision. In our experience, even in households that limit exposure to violent themes and do not allow weapon play, inevitably their child will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun or a sword. We have even seen a child use a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a gun for goodness sake! They just innately know what it is. They will engage in some type of war play at some point AND they are not going to turn into criminals when they are older so we can let that shit go! Power play & weapon play, (good guy vs bad guy) kind of play during childhood does not mean that your child or any other child in their play group will turn into a criminal. In fact, there is no research that suggests it will!
So, what is weapon play to a child? When children engage in weapon play, they are playing out what they understand about good versus evil, powerful versus weak, and often they are figuring out social hierarchy within their group. Who are the group leaders? Who are the peacemakers? Who are the followers? Oftentimes, children find their identity and role within the play. On a surface level, weapon play can feel thrilling to a child. It is wild, big, and loud. For other children, it is chaotic and confusing, but it still piques their interest. Sometimes, war play is strategic. The children come up with plans for attack. They create elaborate schemes of war games to capture a flag or a special jewel, and they collaborate together to carry out these plans. Sometimes, children see a cartoon or a movie and role play what they’ve seen. Sometimes a child doesn’t know how to enter play, and opt to be the “bad” guy because all power play schemes have a villain. The villain is usually a powerful character and some children, who may not feel in control or “powerful” in other parts of their lives, may really enjoy the thrill of taking on that role for a while. On a deeper level, weapon play can be a conversation about inclusion, a history of loyalties and rituals, and awareness of other’s boundaries and body language. It could be an opportunity for exploring one’s understanding of misunderstood concepts. We could go on and on…but what it’s not, is violence for the sake of violence. Most children engage in weapon play simply because it is fun.
We would like to point out that every adult has their own level of comfort with risky play, war play in particular, but what we would like to reiterate is that weapon play is a natural part of childhood. So, we know what you're thinking: “Ok! I’ll let the children play this out because I know it’s important and it’s a natural part of childhood, but it still makes me super uncomfortable.” Ideally, there would be a simple solution to make this feel easier. While there is no exact formula for this, there are opportunities for allowing weapon play to safely occur. Ultimately, the adults have to be willing to provide support and guidance in this type of play. This requires patience, reflection, and follow-through.
Weapon play should be supervised and FUN. After all, weapon play is just play as long as everyone is having fun, right? If it’s not fun, then an adult should intervene. It should never be purposely violent or angry (i.e. a child set out to hurt another child). This is different from play and requires a different type of intervention. We know children are having fun when they are smiling, laughing, and engaging in the play. Even more, we know it’s fun (or not) when we just simply ask the children, “Is everyone having fun with this game?” Sometimes, children get their feelings hurt or accidentally get physically hurt, but this is different from purposeful violence. At Unplugged, we sometimes look for the verbs: meaning what they are doing in their play. Are they running a lot? Are they wielding swords and engaging in sword-on-sword combat? Are they defending something or someone? These actions can be telling for reflective adults looking to support the play. Yes, war play can sometimes feel chaotic. Sometimes there is no purpose other than just hitting sticks together and feeling powerful. Ok. If there is no actual purpose to the war play itself, but they still love weapon play, can’t we just offer them a safe space to engage? We can offer “safer” alternatives to weapons and set parameters around how many people they can “spar” with (for example, we can create a designated space for practicing sword fighting, 1 versus 1). We can offer foam swords so that the children can safely experiment with the forcefulness of touch. We can encourage tagging or tapping rather than whacking. And if it is simply the need to feel a hard sensory input, we can offer opportunities like hammering logs, sword fighting with trees, lifting or rolling heavy stumps, or pulling heavy tires with rope. As adults in the space, we can set boundaries of what can be a weapon and what cannot. For example, we have a non-negotiable rule that actual tools such as hammers, mallets, and shovels cannot be used for weapons, even if they are pretending. A tool is a tool. We can also have conversations about the outcome of war, which is inevitably peace. What does peace look like? Some of the children may have never considered this as a possibility of their play. Learning about reading social cues, respecting boundaries, and safety concerns are another beneficial outcome of war play. We can guide children in being aware of another’s body language and listening to verbal warnings. We help provide language when we express our concerns for their safety based on what we are seeing. We can offer them opportunities to build unified forces through group games, so that they learn to look out for one another. There are so many opportunities for growth, learning, and fun when we open our minds and our play spaces to allow for this complicated and appropriate type of role playing. So I invite you to consider this, can you offer permission and a safe space to practice & play rather than jumping straight to banning it all together?
